Curhat Colongan, Seputar Kedodolan

12 Step Program

Okay, so I know several people who have addictions. Something as small as caffeine or chocolate…. to the larger players such as narcotics and alcohol. I have been trying to walk through my own 12 step program. My addiction, if I had to narrow one down today would be that I put too much faith in the people around me. Sure, this sounds okay…but as of latest (maybe the last 7 months) this has not worked in my favor. Being nice and trusting is not a good characteristic when the world is full of people who love to prey on people like me. Yes, I’m getting a thicker skin. I’m starting my own ’12 steps to growing out of being a pushover program’. My list looks a little like this:

1) When I greet people, stop saying… "hi.. how are you". Instead, I’m going to say things like, "Good morning" or "Hi there" and leave my salutations at that.
2) Talk to less strangers (unless I’m somewhere where I need to network, then its my job)
3) Stop trying to solve the world problems by putting my neck out for people.
4) Be more selfish.
5) Stop assuming people are going to do something that is ultimately unrealistic.
6) Don’t take it personal when people disappoint.
7) Stop expecting, just ask.
8) Hug less, but smile the same amount.
9) Listen but don’t put myself on the line to solve the problem. That’s not my job.
10) Do more on my own and provide people with the tools to help themselves, but don’t do tasks for them.
11) Listen to my stomach more.
12) Stay away from boys who are looking for a i) motivator, ii) cheerleader, iii) caregiver and look for men who are i) self sustaining, ii) educated with actual goals and mechanisms for achieving them, iii) are respectful and can be complimentary and thoughtful.

I don’t think this is a tough list. But even number one I’ve been struggling with. Its tougher than you think.

Maybe I should add… ‘make less lists’ to my list. What are you addicted to?


Music, Makes Me Travel in Time

This last two days I was attending Jakarta International Jazz Festival at Istora Senayan with some friend. As I really love jazz anyway, come and see what happens there is a must… *grin* Funny how music makes a throw back to a time and place… that day, the big one: The Best of Me (from David Foster).
I was in the main stage area to see Phill Perry performance and “the best of me” came on… (I Love U Phill…..) I heard the initial notes and immediately pushed my finger to record button on my camera. This song puts me back in first year, on initial gathering at my new highschool. It was first week into the first month of school and I was a new student (again). I had a few friends and was already on the cheerl
eading team… so i had my clan. I was staring at this tall boy, curly dark hair, and claimed him. Told my friends I had a crush on this boy… but couldn’t talk to him. Yeah you know teenager… hahaha… Our seniors held some “welcoming games” (and not to forget the punishment…). There’s some kids got the punishment, I was on my way out of the room to go to the toilet, when suddenly (I even didn’t realize that) mr. tall boy got his punishment… and before I can’t thinking what’s going on, he grabbed my hand and asked me to sing a song while he playing his flute. The Best of Me was playing. For the next month that’s all I wanted to listen to. It was such a fun and experimental time in my life that everytime i hear that song I smile and feel young. The actual relationship lasted 3 years…but that song, that song will live a lifetime.

Funny how music has a way of doing that. What songs make you travel back in time? Any songs make you think of me????? I’m sure I have a few that make me think of you. In A Rush, I Don’t Love You No More (I’m Sorry), Coffee & TV, Don’t Look Back In Anger, Your Song, Just Once, … who ever you are… there’s a song that makes me think of you.

Curhat Colongan, Music

Your Song

It’s a little bit funny this feeling inside
I’m not one of those who can easily hide
I don’t have much money but boy if I did
I’d buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show
I know it’s not much but it’s the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one’s for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it’s done
I hope you don’t mind
I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they’ve got me quite cross
But the sun’s been quite kind while I wrote this song
It’s for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever see

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it’s done
I hope you don’t mind
I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

lovely memory on Mega Kuningan @ 17 November 2006
…Thanks for singing this song for me…

Curhat Colongan, Seputar Kedodolan

Seribu Keping Puzzles (Part 1)

Semalam seorang teman tiba-tiba nonggol di kamar gue. Pada saat itu gue lagi asik berkutat menyusun seribu keping puzzles bergambar lukisan menara eiffel yang gue beli di spore awal minggu kemarin, sehingga agak ngga perduli sama kehadiran dia di kamar gue. Temen gue – yang emang udah terbiasa gue cuekin, hehe – dengan santainya langsung mengacak-acak kotak cemilan gue, mencari-cari apa yang bisa dia embat sambil komentar pendek “lo lagi ngapain sih??”. Selesai mengacak-acak kotak cemilan gue, dia duduk di sebelah gue dan dengan mulut penuh dengan makanan hasil “rampokan”nya itu, dia cuma komentar “ooooh… lagi nyusun puzzle…”. Gue sih awalnya sempet melirik sebel gitu ke dia. Tapi abis itu gue ga perduli lagi dan tetap melanjutkan acara gue menyusun puzzle.. hehehe

Sekitar 15 menit baik gue maupun temen gue sama sekali ngga ngobrol. Kamar gue cuma penuh dengan suara mulut temen gue yang lagi mengunyah makanannya ditimpali dengan suara dari televisi gue yang channel nya diganti-ganti mlulu ma temen gue itu. Then, ntah dapet dari wangsit darimana, sambil merebahkan diri di tempat tidur gue, tiba-tiba temen gue ngomong gini.. “chi, kenapa lo ngga coba mengasosiasikan kepingan puzzle yang lagi lo susun itu dengan caranya lo menyusun lagi kepingan-kepingan hati lo?”. Gue menoleh ke temen gue itu dengan pandangan maksud looooo… tapi tetep dengan ngga berkata-kata sama sekali as gue juga langsung mengalihkan pandangan gue ke puzzle yang lagi gue susun.

Gini deh filosofi-nya…” kata temen gue sambil mengambil salah satu kepingan puzzle yang udah gue pisahin dan memasangnya di salah satu lubang tersisa di gambar puzzle gue itu.

Keping ini, lo anggap aja sebagai salah satu kepingan hati lo yang lagi tercecer ntah dimana which is puzzle ini ya lo anggap lah sebagai hati lo..” lanjut temen gue.

Pada saat lo baru mulai menyusun puzzles ini, lo akan mulai dengan mencari-cari gambar yang cocok… trus lo mulai menyusun keping-keping ini sesuai dengan tempatnya kan…

Gue masih diem ngga komentar sama sekali dan mulai ngga konsen dengan susunan puzzles gue.

trus waktu lo nemu potongan-potongan yang cocok dan mulai membentuk sebuah gambar, lo seneng banget kaaan… tapi sekaligus juga jadi reseh, bertanya-tanya mana potongan yang lain, mengaduk-aduk tempat kepingan puzzles yang masih bersisa, mencari-cari potongan mana lagi yang cocok… secara ini masih banyak banget yaaaaa yang sisa.. hehehehehe”, dia ketawa-tawa sendiri sambil mencoba memasang-masang puzzles gue yang masih sisa banyak itu.

Gue masih ngga komentar sama sekali,… tapi juga ngga berusaha mencegah kelakukan temen gue yang rada norak itu. Honestly, gue penasaran menebak-nebak kearah mana omongan temen gue itu akan berlanjut.

Nah… pada waktu lo lagi berusaha menyusun kepingan-kepingan hati lo yang kemaren berantakan itu, sama ngga dengan lo nyusun puzzles ini??? Sama kaaaaan… lo menebak-nebak dari mana lo mulai sambil lo melihat mana yang cocok trus lo mulai menulis satu potong, dua potong, tiga potong, kadang-kadang ketemu yang lo anggap cocok tapi ternyata ga sama dan lo harus ngelempar potongan itu balik ke kotaknya sambil ngedumel… that’s the same things honey…

Gue masih diem ngga ngerti.

Tapi ketika kepingan-kepingan yang cocok itu udah berhasil lo temukan then udah berbentuk sebuah gambar, lo seneng banget… Lo jadi semangat untuk menyusun kepingan-kepingan yang lain. Ada kalanya lo merasa capek, then lo merasa butuh istirahat. Lalu puzzle ini lo tinggal tidur. Lo biarin aja tergeletak ngga selesai dan lo sibuk sama kehidupan lo yang lain, which is tidur.. hahahahaha…”.

Still, no comment out from my mouth. Tapi rasanya gue udah mulai mengerti dengan apa yang dimaksud sama temen gue itu.

tapi setelah selesai istirahat lo, lo kangen ma potongan-potongan puzzle lo. Penasaran banget pengen ngelanjutin walaupun dengan resiko capek, ketemu lagi dengan kepingan-kepingan yang ngga cocok yang bakal bikin lo sebel, mulai mengaduk-aduk kotak itu lagi… then lo finally dapet lagi bagian-bagian yang cocok and membentuk satu bagian gambar lagi… and lo jadi seneng banget, jadi semangat lagi… Begitu seterusnya sampe akhirnya kepingan-kepingan itu membentuk satu gambar utuh… dan lo pasti merasa suka cita banget karena satu tantangan lagi berhasil lo taklukin walaupun it’ll take a long time, bisa sebulan, dua bulan, 5 tahun…

Gue masih terdiam. Masih terbengong-bengong mencoba mencerna apa arti di balik omongan temen gue tadi. Temen gue bangkit dari duduknya, menepok pipi gue sambil bilang “Think about that, deep inside you know that it’s true… gue balik dulu yaaaa…”, lalu temen gue itu dengan tidak bertanggungjawabnya ngeloyor pergi kearah pintu kamar gue sambil ngga lupa merampok lagi satu kantong cemilan gue, meninggalkan gue yang masih termangu-mangu memandang puzzles gue yang baru seperempat jadi itu dan juga kepingan-kepingan lain yang berserakan di sekelilingnya.

Sebelum temen gue bener-bener menghilang dari pintu kamar gue, gue akhirnya setengah berteriak nanya “trus… apa yang gue dapet kalo gue udah berhasil mencocokan kepingan terakhir gue? Jalan-jalan ke  Paris??
Temen gue noleh , then said “deal with your past… forgive… and before you realize that, you already start with a new born Chichi…”, cuma itu kata-kata yang keluar dari mulut temen gue sebelum dia bener-bener lenyap dari kamar gue.

Dan gue, tambah terbengong-bengong ga jelas gitu sepeninggalnya dia. Udah ga konsen lagi nyusun puzzle. Otak gue isinya begini :  U%58#9YI###%%!!!!!(&*(H*&)!!!!
Atau dengan kata lain, PUYEEEEEENG!!!! Tapi gue juga ngga bisa berhenti mikir maksudnya temen gue itu. Lama gue merasa perlu mencerna lebih dalam kata-kata temen gue tadi then ‘till finally got the idea “OK, I got one challenge…”, gue cuma bisa ngedumel… “damn!!!! Kenapa sekarang dia jadi pinter begitu yaaaaaaa…”.

Hahahahahaha… kira-kira gue bisa ngga ya nyelesaiin puzzles yang udah gue mulai itu…

ngga jelas

If I had One More Day

If you had the chance, just one chance, to go back and fix what you did wrong in life, would you take it? And if you did, would you be big enough to stand it?”

Those words I’ve got from the back cover of MITCH ALBOM’s new book FOR ONE MORE DAY. For OneFor_one_more_day_cover
More Day is the story of a man who attempts suicide, but does not succeed. No matter what he does, he survives the attempt. Charley "Chick" Bennetto was once a major league baseball player, and even made it to the World Series. But life for him has gone downhill since then. His story is told in flashbacks, showing his relationship with his parents, in particular his mother. His mother’s death made a big impact on him, leading him to attempt suicide, and the reason behind this is revealed slowly through the telling of their relationship. He was told that you can only be one thing – a momma’s boy or a daddy’s boy, but you can’t be both. So he chose to be a daddy’s boy, nearly shunning his mother throughout his life, treating her with less respect that he should have otherwise. He adored his father, a man that was distant and treated his mother at times with cruelty. And suddenly one day, his father is out of their lives, with no explanations. Chick’s life is told in short chapters, mostly titled "times my mother stood up for me", and "times I did not stand up for my mother". This story will ring true for many, as I think what happens when one is growing up is that the mother is the one that ends up the disciplinarian, and often times (especially in divorced families) she’s the one that takes up the slack, she’s doing it all. Chick never appreciated his mother, nor was he ever there for her. Finally, on that last day of her life, he disappoints her yet again. It’s a day he wishes he can take back and do over again. The miracle of Chick’s life is that when he ends up in a near fatal car accident, he doesn’t die but instead walks away and meets his mother again who has been dead for years, as if it’s just another day. It is the experiences of this day that turns Chick’s life around, as the reader will discover. What follows is the one "ordinary" day so many of us yearn for, a chance to make good with a lost parent, to explain the family secrets, and to seek forgiveness. Somewhere between this life and the next, Chick learns the astonishing things he never knew about his mother and her sacrifices. And he tries, with her tender guidance, to put the crumbled pieces of his life back together.

I won’t say more as I don’t want to reveal the ending, but FOR ONE MORE DAY wasn’t my favorite book by this author. I don’t think the story is as "wonderful" as the previous THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN, or the great TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE. Expected more emotion, especially since so many people experience the regret of not having one more day. *grin* But, no matter what he writes, ALBOM seems to always find a way to hit you in the heart in that very last chapter.

Anyhow, the lesson learned here are VALUABLE. Who would not ask for one more day–to understand, forgive, and make right what time and life has unraveled? I closed the book and did some thinking. The loss of a loved one is always difficult, but if you were able to have one more day with that person, what do you think they would show you? It is true, that old cliché, that misery loves company – and I, in a particularly miserable mood, was immediately pleased with the company of the book’s Chick. I was grateful his character seemed "worse" than me. I was, happy is the wrong word – but something like it, for the illustration the character brought to life: the bottom is still somewhere further down below. I was grateful for the literary metaphor of jumping off a bridge (water tower in the book) – and reading this book bought me a day or two of not feeling like doing it myself. I could relate to letting your world go to hell when your parent dies. I could relate to choosing, mommy or daddy’s girl? and, as Chick’s dad tells him in the book, knowing you can’t ever be both. And wondering, which one, really, am I? and why? and if my allegiance has changed over time, when? and again, why? why? why? I liked the idea that when people think of you, they bring you close to them, as happened in chick’s journey through his mom’s day. I liked how Albom let Chick’s mom explain how, when people remember you, they feel you alive in their world. I’ve had this happen recently with a number of old lovers and friends, and it is confusing, complicated, difficult and wonderful when they show up in this time of profound sadness juxtaposed with the perfect life/love/family I have made. This book, with its explanation of how Chick’s mom shows up in the lives of people who remember her as their time to cross over draws near, this is a lovely idea that somehow transmits the message, "ease up. It’s all good".

All in all, this is a lovely easy read. I like how Albom makes death more palatable. I like how he creates metaphors I can look forward to living into. I like the simple truth he weaves through his work: love matters most, family matters more than that, god knows what you’re up to and sends you help in the form of memories, angels, strangers and "accidents" – and if you get a close enough look at all of them, finally seeing them from their right angles, there is design and purpose and real, enduring, powerful, true love throughout it all – waiting for us to recognize it for what it is. Waiting for us to get out of our well of uniquely human despair, look up, and say thank you. Waiting for us to show up. Heaven is all around, just waiting for us to recognize we’re already there.

and so it is.

and so it has been.

and so it continues.

and having read this lovely little book, my pain is somewhat eased, and I am made better, through the aid of it’s comfort and accompaniment.