Curhat Colongan, Music

Your Song

It’s a little bit funny this feeling inside
I’m not one of those who can easily hide
I don’t have much money but boy if I did
I’d buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show
I know it’s not much but it’s the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one’s for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it’s done
I hope you don’t mind
I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you’re in the world

Book__diddl__friendship__german_text__13_10
I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they’ve got me quite cross
But the sun’s been quite kind while I wrote this song
It’s for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I’ve forgotten if they’re green or they’re blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I’ve ever see

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it’s done
I hope you don’t mind
I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you’re in the world



lovely memory on Mega Kuningan @ 17 November 2006
…Thanks for singing this song for me…
xoxoxo

Curhat Colongan, Seputar Kedodolan

Seribu Keping Puzzles (Part 1)

Semalam seorang teman tiba-tiba nonggol di kamar gue. Pada saat itu gue lagi asik berkutat menyusun seribu keping puzzles bergambar lukisan menara eiffel yang gue beli di spore awal minggu kemarin, sehingga agak ngga perduli sama kehadiran dia di kamar gue. Temen gue – yang emang udah terbiasa gue cuekin, hehe – dengan santainya langsung mengacak-acak kotak cemilan gue, mencari-cari apa yang bisa dia embat sambil komentar pendek “lo lagi ngapain sih??”. Selesai mengacak-acak kotak cemilan gue, dia duduk di sebelah gue dan dengan mulut penuh dengan makanan hasil “rampokan”nya itu, dia cuma komentar “ooooh… lagi nyusun puzzle…”. Gue sih awalnya sempet melirik sebel gitu ke dia. Tapi abis itu gue ga perduli lagi dan tetap melanjutkan acara gue menyusun puzzle.. hehehe

Sekitar 15 menit baik gue maupun temen gue sama sekali ngga ngobrol. Kamar gue cuma penuh dengan suara mulut temen gue yang lagi mengunyah makanannya ditimpali dengan suara dari televisi gue yang channel nya diganti-ganti mlulu ma temen gue itu. Then, ntah dapet dari wangsit darimana, sambil merebahkan diri di tempat tidur gue, tiba-tiba temen gue ngomong gini.. “chi, kenapa lo ngga coba mengasosiasikan kepingan puzzle yang lagi lo susun itu dengan caranya lo menyusun lagi kepingan-kepingan hati lo?”. Gue menoleh ke temen gue itu dengan pandangan maksud looooo… tapi tetep dengan ngga berkata-kata sama sekali as gue juga langsung mengalihkan pandangan gue ke puzzle yang lagi gue susun.

Gini deh filosofi-nya…” kata temen gue sambil mengambil salah satu kepingan puzzle yang udah gue pisahin dan memasangnya di salah satu lubang tersisa di gambar puzzle gue itu.

Keping ini, lo anggap aja sebagai salah satu kepingan hati lo yang lagi tercecer ntah dimana which is puzzle ini ya lo anggap lah sebagai hati lo..” lanjut temen gue.

Pada saat lo baru mulai menyusun puzzles ini, lo akan mulai dengan mencari-cari gambar yang cocok… trus lo mulai menyusun keping-keping ini sesuai dengan tempatnya kan…

Gue masih diem ngga komentar sama sekali dan mulai ngga konsen dengan susunan puzzles gue.

trus waktu lo nemu potongan-potongan yang cocok dan mulai membentuk sebuah gambar, lo seneng banget kaaan… tapi sekaligus juga jadi reseh, bertanya-tanya mana potongan yang lain, mengaduk-aduk tempat kepingan puzzles yang masih bersisa, mencari-cari potongan mana lagi yang cocok… secara ini masih banyak banget yaaaaa yang sisa.. hehehehehe”, dia ketawa-tawa sendiri sambil mencoba memasang-masang puzzles gue yang masih sisa banyak itu.

Gue masih ngga komentar sama sekali,… tapi juga ngga berusaha mencegah kelakukan temen gue yang rada norak itu. Honestly, gue penasaran menebak-nebak kearah mana omongan temen gue itu akan berlanjut.

Nah… pada waktu lo lagi berusaha menyusun kepingan-kepingan hati lo yang kemaren berantakan itu, sama ngga dengan lo nyusun puzzles ini??? Sama kaaaaan… lo menebak-nebak dari mana lo mulai sambil lo melihat mana yang cocok trus lo mulai menulis satu potong, dua potong, tiga potong, kadang-kadang ketemu yang lo anggap cocok tapi ternyata ga sama dan lo harus ngelempar potongan itu balik ke kotaknya sambil ngedumel… that’s the same things honey…

Gue masih diem ngga ngerti.

Tapi ketika kepingan-kepingan yang cocok itu udah berhasil lo temukan then udah berbentuk sebuah gambar, lo seneng banget… Lo jadi semangat untuk menyusun kepingan-kepingan yang lain. Ada kalanya lo merasa capek, then lo merasa butuh istirahat. Lalu puzzle ini lo tinggal tidur. Lo biarin aja tergeletak ngga selesai dan lo sibuk sama kehidupan lo yang lain, which is tidur.. hahahahaha…”.

Still, no comment out from my mouth. Tapi rasanya gue udah mulai mengerti dengan apa yang dimaksud sama temen gue itu.

tapi setelah selesai istirahat lo, lo kangen ma potongan-potongan puzzle lo. Penasaran banget pengen ngelanjutin walaupun dengan resiko capek, ketemu lagi dengan kepingan-kepingan yang ngga cocok yang bakal bikin lo sebel, mulai mengaduk-aduk kotak itu lagi… then lo finally dapet lagi bagian-bagian yang cocok and membentuk satu bagian gambar lagi… and lo jadi seneng banget, jadi semangat lagi… Begitu seterusnya sampe akhirnya kepingan-kepingan itu membentuk satu gambar utuh… dan lo pasti merasa suka cita banget karena satu tantangan lagi berhasil lo taklukin walaupun it’ll take a long time, bisa sebulan, dua bulan, 5 tahun…

Gue masih terdiam. Masih terbengong-bengong mencoba mencerna apa arti di balik omongan temen gue tadi. Temen gue bangkit dari duduknya, menepok pipi gue sambil bilang “Think about that, deep inside you know that it’s true… gue balik dulu yaaaa…”, lalu temen gue itu dengan tidak bertanggungjawabnya ngeloyor pergi kearah pintu kamar gue sambil ngga lupa merampok lagi satu kantong cemilan gue, meninggalkan gue yang masih termangu-mangu memandang puzzles gue yang baru seperempat jadi itu dan juga kepingan-kepingan lain yang berserakan di sekelilingnya.

Sebelum temen gue bener-bener menghilang dari pintu kamar gue, gue akhirnya setengah berteriak nanya “trus… apa yang gue dapet kalo gue udah berhasil mencocokan kepingan terakhir gue? Jalan-jalan ke  Paris??
Temen gue noleh , then said “deal with your past… forgive… and before you realize that, you already start with a new born Chichi…”, cuma itu kata-kata yang keluar dari mulut temen gue sebelum dia bener-bener lenyap dari kamar gue.

Dan gue, tambah terbengong-bengong ga jelas gitu sepeninggalnya dia. Udah ga konsen lagi nyusun puzzle. Otak gue isinya begini :  U%58#9YI###%%!!!!!(&*(H*&)!!!!
Atau dengan kata lain, PUYEEEEEENG!!!! Tapi gue juga ngga bisa berhenti mikir maksudnya temen gue itu. Lama gue merasa perlu mencerna lebih dalam kata-kata temen gue tadi then ‘till finally got the idea “OK, I got one challenge…”, gue cuma bisa ngedumel… “damn!!!! Kenapa sekarang dia jadi pinter begitu yaaaaaaa…”.

Hahahahahaha… kira-kira gue bisa ngga ya nyelesaiin puzzles yang udah gue mulai itu…

ngga jelas

If I had One More Day

If you had the chance, just one chance, to go back and fix what you did wrong in life, would you take it? And if you did, would you be big enough to stand it?”

Those words I’ve got from the back cover of MITCH ALBOM’s new book FOR ONE MORE DAY. For OneFor_one_more_day_cover
More Day is the story of a man who attempts suicide, but does not succeed. No matter what he does, he survives the attempt. Charley "Chick" Bennetto was once a major league baseball player, and even made it to the World Series. But life for him has gone downhill since then. His story is told in flashbacks, showing his relationship with his parents, in particular his mother. His mother’s death made a big impact on him, leading him to attempt suicide, and the reason behind this is revealed slowly through the telling of their relationship. He was told that you can only be one thing – a momma’s boy or a daddy’s boy, but you can’t be both. So he chose to be a daddy’s boy, nearly shunning his mother throughout his life, treating her with less respect that he should have otherwise. He adored his father, a man that was distant and treated his mother at times with cruelty. And suddenly one day, his father is out of their lives, with no explanations. Chick’s life is told in short chapters, mostly titled "times my mother stood up for me", and "times I did not stand up for my mother". This story will ring true for many, as I think what happens when one is growing up is that the mother is the one that ends up the disciplinarian, and often times (especially in divorced families) she’s the one that takes up the slack, she’s doing it all. Chick never appreciated his mother, nor was he ever there for her. Finally, on that last day of her life, he disappoints her yet again. It’s a day he wishes he can take back and do over again. The miracle of Chick’s life is that when he ends up in a near fatal car accident, he doesn’t die but instead walks away and meets his mother again who has been dead for years, as if it’s just another day. It is the experiences of this day that turns Chick’s life around, as the reader will discover. What follows is the one "ordinary" day so many of us yearn for, a chance to make good with a lost parent, to explain the family secrets, and to seek forgiveness. Somewhere between this life and the next, Chick learns the astonishing things he never knew about his mother and her sacrifices. And he tries, with her tender guidance, to put the crumbled pieces of his life back together.

I won’t say more as I don’t want to reveal the ending, but FOR ONE MORE DAY wasn’t my favorite book by this author. I don’t think the story is as "wonderful" as the previous THE FIVE PEOPLE YOU MEET IN HEAVEN, or the great TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE. Expected more emotion, especially since so many people experience the regret of not having one more day. *grin* But, no matter what he writes, ALBOM seems to always find a way to hit you in the heart in that very last chapter.

Anyhow, the lesson learned here are VALUABLE. Who would not ask for one more day–to understand, forgive, and make right what time and life has unraveled? I closed the book and did some thinking. The loss of a loved one is always difficult, but if you were able to have one more day with that person, what do you think they would show you? It is true, that old cliché, that misery loves company – and I, in a particularly miserable mood, was immediately pleased with the company of the book’s Chick. I was grateful his character seemed "worse" than me. I was, happy is the wrong word – but something like it, for the illustration the character brought to life: the bottom is still somewhere further down below. I was grateful for the literary metaphor of jumping off a bridge (water tower in the book) – and reading this book bought me a day or two of not feeling like doing it myself. I could relate to letting your world go to hell when your parent dies. I could relate to choosing, mommy or daddy’s girl? and, as Chick’s dad tells him in the book, knowing you can’t ever be both. And wondering, which one, really, am I? and why? and if my allegiance has changed over time, when? and again, why? why? why? I liked the idea that when people think of you, they bring you close to them, as happened in chick’s journey through his mom’s day. I liked how Albom let Chick’s mom explain how, when people remember you, they feel you alive in their world. I’ve had this happen recently with a number of old lovers and friends, and it is confusing, complicated, difficult and wonderful when they show up in this time of profound sadness juxtaposed with the perfect life/love/family I have made. This book, with its explanation of how Chick’s mom shows up in the lives of people who remember her as their time to cross over draws near, this is a lovely idea that somehow transmits the message, "ease up. It’s all good".

All in all, this is a lovely easy read. I like how Albom makes death more palatable. I like how he creates metaphors I can look forward to living into. I like the simple truth he weaves through his work: love matters most, family matters more than that, god knows what you’re up to and sends you help in the form of memories, angels, strangers and "accidents" – and if you get a close enough look at all of them, finally seeing them from their right angles, there is design and purpose and real, enduring, powerful, true love throughout it all – waiting for us to recognize it for what it is. Waiting for us to get out of our well of uniquely human despair, look up, and say thank you. Waiting for us to show up. Heaven is all around, just waiting for us to recognize we’re already there.

and so it is.

and so it has been.

and so it continues.

and having read this lovely little book, my pain is somewhat eased, and I am made better, through the aid of it’s comfort and accompaniment.

Curhat Colongan

OK, I’M PICKY… SO WHAT????

Last nite, out of the blue, I’ve got an sms which is, in simple words, "SOK TAU BANGEEEEETTTT" from someone I didn’t know who – my cellphone doesn’t even recognize the number – and too chicken to show his/her "face" before me…
anyhow, the sms in sort judge me that I’m really have a high standard to decide with who I will spend the rest of my life and dengan PEDEnya sok nasehatin gue If I’m not get my self down to earth I will be lonely forever…. Huahahahahahaha… Sok tau banget kaaaaan… And still didn’t want to show me his/her face, even just a name. CEMEN!!! She/he just told me that she/he are a friend who care about my problem… Huahahahahahahaha. I  was laughing out loud when I read that sms. Well, now I’m pretty sure that SHE/HE ARE REALLY NOT A FRIEND OF MINE, cause friends close to me must be well known about my life right now, about my dream, my thought and ga ada yang sok tau kayak dia…. hihihihi… kasian banget sih tuch orang…

okay, Talking about someone who I will spend the rest of my life with – or in sort, the right  man – are bring us to talk about commitment. It terms of relationships…commitment as a stand alone term, may not be my strong suit. BUT when I get into something I really get into it and commit myself to doing the best I can. If I believe in something, I will commit myself to the cause. And sure… I have my own criteria and standard to decide those stuff. Mind you, who doesn’t?? I think everyone has their own criteria just like mine. Not really the same, but you must have your own standard, aren’t you?? Basically, I did that because I want those commitment will be my lifetime relationship. For once in my lifetime. So, nothing’s wrong to be picky, right? more than that, to be picky is a must!!! That’s the reason I thought I have to decide that carefully. Brain, beauty and behavior are still a basic standard for me. I have a question for you guys who really know me intimately, did my standard too high and I really not down to earth? And with all I have right now (yeaaah u know it guys…), is it wrong If I make some standard to choose my right man? For sure, I want someone who much "better" than me… U know, men,.. they are all always have their own ego, right? For sure they didn’t want to look "suck" after their spouse.

I made some criteria for myself (I’m deal with that so far, make some exception to some guys I’ve close with) and haven’t found what I looking for yet, I don’t think that it’s a problem. Committing to a cause is hard, it can be very draining…inconvenient… lonely… and you often hit numerous roadblocks. I’m not always know what I am doing, but I try to make things better. When I made mistake, just face it! Everyone made a mistake.

and for YOU who send me those ridiculous sms last nite, Mind Your Own Business, Please…

Seputar Kedodolan

…WORK HARD, PLAY HARD… (it’s time to chill out babeeee…)

Whoever said, “you can sleep when you’re dead” didn’t have to live through busy days at work that require snappy trains of thought and articulate conversations. Unfortunately after a relatively busy weekend the grunts meaning, “Yes I’ll drop that fax off” or “yes garlic mustard is an invasive”. So far, I always had a great weekend of visiting and drinking with friends. Sleep wasn’t on the itinerary and unfortunately for me it hasn’t really been on the menu for months and months and months… *grin* But when I got much protest from my body yelling to fall out sick, I reconsider about how my weekend gone.

Oke… think about it… I wake up everyday, relatively early, with big plans for my day. Those that know me well know that I pack a lot into each day and I don’t waste a lot of time doing nothing. Lately, it’s been a little ridiculous. Between work, traveling, and trying to reconnect with friends I haven’t seen in weeks & months… I’ve left very little time for myself. How do I remedy my overwhelming addiction to being busy?

So far I’ve made attempts to visit people that help slow me down. People living in ‘Praise of Slow’. My stress level drops and I find I get more centered. I appreciate the feeling, yet I don’t know how to manufactured it myself. Hmmm.

Off to hangout tonight (with some best friend… I really missed the chit chat), visiting my cousin wedding tomorrow, meet friends from Klub Baca on Sunday and Monday, I hit the road (hahahahaha….). I like to think its called living life, but am I shaving years off my life by living on the go-go-go?