Curhat Colongan, Seputar Kedodolan

12 Step Program

Okay, so I know several people who have addictions. Something as small as caffeine or chocolate…. to the larger players such as narcotics and alcohol. I have been trying to walk through my own 12 step program. My addiction, if I had to narrow one down today would be that I put too much faith in the people around me. Sure, this sounds okay…but as of latest (maybe the last 7 months) this has not worked in my favor. Being nice and trusting is not a good characteristic when the world is full of people who love to prey on people like me. Yes, I’m getting a thicker skin. I’m starting my own ’12 steps to growing out of being a pushover program’. My list looks a little like this:

1) When I greet people, stop saying… "hi.. how are you". Instead, I’m going to say things like, "Good morning" or "Hi there" and leave my salutations at that.
2) Talk to less strangers (unless I’m somewhere where I need to network, then its my job)
3) Stop trying to solve the world problems by putting my neck out for people.
4) Be more selfish.
5) Stop assuming people are going to do something that is ultimately unrealistic.
6) Don’t take it personal when people disappoint.
7) Stop expecting, just ask.
8) Hug less, but smile the same amount.
9) Listen but don’t put myself on the line to solve the problem. That’s not my job.
10) Do more on my own and provide people with the tools to help themselves, but don’t do tasks for them.
11) Listen to my stomach more.
12) Stay away from boys who are looking for a i) motivator, ii) cheerleader, iii) caregiver and look for men who are i) self sustaining, ii) educated with actual goals and mechanisms for achieving them, iii) are respectful and can be complimentary and thoughtful.

I don’t think this is a tough list. But even number one I’ve been struggling with. Its tougher than you think.

Maybe I should add… ‘make less lists’ to my list. What are you addicted to?

Curhat Colongan, Seputar Kedodolan

Seribu Keping Puzzles (Part 1)

Semalam seorang teman tiba-tiba nonggol di kamar gue. Pada saat itu gue lagi asik berkutat menyusun seribu keping puzzles bergambar lukisan menara eiffel yang gue beli di spore awal minggu kemarin, sehingga agak ngga perduli sama kehadiran dia di kamar gue. Temen gue – yang emang udah terbiasa gue cuekin, hehe – dengan santainya langsung mengacak-acak kotak cemilan gue, mencari-cari apa yang bisa dia embat sambil komentar pendek “lo lagi ngapain sih??”. Selesai mengacak-acak kotak cemilan gue, dia duduk di sebelah gue dan dengan mulut penuh dengan makanan hasil “rampokan”nya itu, dia cuma komentar “ooooh… lagi nyusun puzzle…”. Gue sih awalnya sempet melirik sebel gitu ke dia. Tapi abis itu gue ga perduli lagi dan tetap melanjutkan acara gue menyusun puzzle.. hehehe

Sekitar 15 menit baik gue maupun temen gue sama sekali ngga ngobrol. Kamar gue cuma penuh dengan suara mulut temen gue yang lagi mengunyah makanannya ditimpali dengan suara dari televisi gue yang channel nya diganti-ganti mlulu ma temen gue itu. Then, ntah dapet dari wangsit darimana, sambil merebahkan diri di tempat tidur gue, tiba-tiba temen gue ngomong gini.. “chi, kenapa lo ngga coba mengasosiasikan kepingan puzzle yang lagi lo susun itu dengan caranya lo menyusun lagi kepingan-kepingan hati lo?”. Gue menoleh ke temen gue itu dengan pandangan maksud looooo… tapi tetep dengan ngga berkata-kata sama sekali as gue juga langsung mengalihkan pandangan gue ke puzzle yang lagi gue susun.

Gini deh filosofi-nya…” kata temen gue sambil mengambil salah satu kepingan puzzle yang udah gue pisahin dan memasangnya di salah satu lubang tersisa di gambar puzzle gue itu.

Keping ini, lo anggap aja sebagai salah satu kepingan hati lo yang lagi tercecer ntah dimana which is puzzle ini ya lo anggap lah sebagai hati lo..” lanjut temen gue.

Pada saat lo baru mulai menyusun puzzles ini, lo akan mulai dengan mencari-cari gambar yang cocok… trus lo mulai menyusun keping-keping ini sesuai dengan tempatnya kan…

Gue masih diem ngga komentar sama sekali dan mulai ngga konsen dengan susunan puzzles gue.

trus waktu lo nemu potongan-potongan yang cocok dan mulai membentuk sebuah gambar, lo seneng banget kaaan… tapi sekaligus juga jadi reseh, bertanya-tanya mana potongan yang lain, mengaduk-aduk tempat kepingan puzzles yang masih bersisa, mencari-cari potongan mana lagi yang cocok… secara ini masih banyak banget yaaaaa yang sisa.. hehehehehe”, dia ketawa-tawa sendiri sambil mencoba memasang-masang puzzles gue yang masih sisa banyak itu.

Gue masih ngga komentar sama sekali,… tapi juga ngga berusaha mencegah kelakukan temen gue yang rada norak itu. Honestly, gue penasaran menebak-nebak kearah mana omongan temen gue itu akan berlanjut.

Nah… pada waktu lo lagi berusaha menyusun kepingan-kepingan hati lo yang kemaren berantakan itu, sama ngga dengan lo nyusun puzzles ini??? Sama kaaaaan… lo menebak-nebak dari mana lo mulai sambil lo melihat mana yang cocok trus lo mulai menulis satu potong, dua potong, tiga potong, kadang-kadang ketemu yang lo anggap cocok tapi ternyata ga sama dan lo harus ngelempar potongan itu balik ke kotaknya sambil ngedumel… that’s the same things honey…

Gue masih diem ngga ngerti.

Tapi ketika kepingan-kepingan yang cocok itu udah berhasil lo temukan then udah berbentuk sebuah gambar, lo seneng banget… Lo jadi semangat untuk menyusun kepingan-kepingan yang lain. Ada kalanya lo merasa capek, then lo merasa butuh istirahat. Lalu puzzle ini lo tinggal tidur. Lo biarin aja tergeletak ngga selesai dan lo sibuk sama kehidupan lo yang lain, which is tidur.. hahahahaha…”.

Still, no comment out from my mouth. Tapi rasanya gue udah mulai mengerti dengan apa yang dimaksud sama temen gue itu.

tapi setelah selesai istirahat lo, lo kangen ma potongan-potongan puzzle lo. Penasaran banget pengen ngelanjutin walaupun dengan resiko capek, ketemu lagi dengan kepingan-kepingan yang ngga cocok yang bakal bikin lo sebel, mulai mengaduk-aduk kotak itu lagi… then lo finally dapet lagi bagian-bagian yang cocok and membentuk satu bagian gambar lagi… and lo jadi seneng banget, jadi semangat lagi… Begitu seterusnya sampe akhirnya kepingan-kepingan itu membentuk satu gambar utuh… dan lo pasti merasa suka cita banget karena satu tantangan lagi berhasil lo taklukin walaupun it’ll take a long time, bisa sebulan, dua bulan, 5 tahun…

Gue masih terdiam. Masih terbengong-bengong mencoba mencerna apa arti di balik omongan temen gue tadi. Temen gue bangkit dari duduknya, menepok pipi gue sambil bilang “Think about that, deep inside you know that it’s true… gue balik dulu yaaaa…”, lalu temen gue itu dengan tidak bertanggungjawabnya ngeloyor pergi kearah pintu kamar gue sambil ngga lupa merampok lagi satu kantong cemilan gue, meninggalkan gue yang masih termangu-mangu memandang puzzles gue yang baru seperempat jadi itu dan juga kepingan-kepingan lain yang berserakan di sekelilingnya.

Sebelum temen gue bener-bener menghilang dari pintu kamar gue, gue akhirnya setengah berteriak nanya “trus… apa yang gue dapet kalo gue udah berhasil mencocokan kepingan terakhir gue? Jalan-jalan ke  Paris??
Temen gue noleh , then said “deal with your past… forgive… and before you realize that, you already start with a new born Chichi…”, cuma itu kata-kata yang keluar dari mulut temen gue sebelum dia bener-bener lenyap dari kamar gue.

Dan gue, tambah terbengong-bengong ga jelas gitu sepeninggalnya dia. Udah ga konsen lagi nyusun puzzle. Otak gue isinya begini :  U%58#9YI###%%!!!!!(&*(H*&)!!!!
Atau dengan kata lain, PUYEEEEEENG!!!! Tapi gue juga ngga bisa berhenti mikir maksudnya temen gue itu. Lama gue merasa perlu mencerna lebih dalam kata-kata temen gue tadi then ‘till finally got the idea “OK, I got one challenge…”, gue cuma bisa ngedumel… “damn!!!! Kenapa sekarang dia jadi pinter begitu yaaaaaaa…”.

Hahahahahaha… kira-kira gue bisa ngga ya nyelesaiin puzzles yang udah gue mulai itu…

Seputar Kedodolan

…WORK HARD, PLAY HARD… (it’s time to chill out babeeee…)

Whoever said, “you can sleep when you’re dead” didn’t have to live through busy days at work that require snappy trains of thought and articulate conversations. Unfortunately after a relatively busy weekend the grunts meaning, “Yes I’ll drop that fax off” or “yes garlic mustard is an invasive”. So far, I always had a great weekend of visiting and drinking with friends. Sleep wasn’t on the itinerary and unfortunately for me it hasn’t really been on the menu for months and months and months… *grin* But when I got much protest from my body yelling to fall out sick, I reconsider about how my weekend gone.

Oke… think about it… I wake up everyday, relatively early, with big plans for my day. Those that know me well know that I pack a lot into each day and I don’t waste a lot of time doing nothing. Lately, it’s been a little ridiculous. Between work, traveling, and trying to reconnect with friends I haven’t seen in weeks & months… I’ve left very little time for myself. How do I remedy my overwhelming addiction to being busy?

So far I’ve made attempts to visit people that help slow me down. People living in ‘Praise of Slow’. My stress level drops and I find I get more centered. I appreciate the feeling, yet I don’t know how to manufactured it myself. Hmmm.

Off to hangout tonight (with some best friend… I really missed the chit chat), visiting my cousin wedding tomorrow, meet friends from Klub Baca on Sunday and Monday, I hit the road (hahahahaha….). I like to think its called living life, but am I shaving years off my life by living on the go-go-go?

Seputar Kedodolan

THE DOMINO EFFECT

I’ve been working hard, and procrastinating even harder, these days. It is so easy to let your time get eaten up by work. At least that’s what I think. Playtime has been disrupted and as a result a bunch of other things have been modified and adjusted. Ripple effect, domino effect….whatever you call it… its happening all around us everyday.

Yesterday I made some decisions and set myself up for a new course of action. I thought to myself how many different times that had happened this week. I really can’t keep up. I live a dynamic and ever changing life, and I’m cool with that. What I’m not cool with is my lack of interest to try and pull the reins a bit tighter and force myself into some sort of guidance… down a path or something. Maybe I can contribute this to the likes of ecology. When the environment becomes static or things are forced to stay the same something bad happens. Something comes out of the blue and changes things… Maybe that’s why I lack consistency in my lifestyle, relationships, work environment, and geography? I’m subconsciously trying to prevent something terrible from happening?

Where did October go? All I know is that once November is over I can have part of my normal, socializing, life back. I feel as though I’ve isolated myself from most of my friends and slightly abandoned them and only get to see a select few bc they too fit into my scattered lifestyle of lack of planning and workaholic-ness.

Time to set some new parameters: December will be about me and confining work to work hours and play time to weekends and me time to weekdays… Less useless hangout and more quality time. Even if I hit the mark with one of those goals I’ll be happy.

Happy Birthday Ms. Emma… may the dominos fall the way you wish this bday…. Mind you, scorpions like you never really adjust to predictability, do you? 😀

Seputar Kedodolan

Just My Luck

The holiday has ended and work started two days ago (but I just in today… hehehehehe), everything is back to the old routine. Getting up early, have a very fast breakfast (just one cup of coffee actually…), and go to the office in a hurry.

So, here I am…
Sitting back in this lovely boring room… hehehe… well, admit it!! Office doesn’t really feel like home, right?? Doesn’t matter how hommy your room is (just like mine… *grin*).

I had a nice and relaxed holiday, created lovely memories. Just a question now: What next? If 90% of what we do is habit, I suppose I should choose to do something different for a start. Starting from where? Here, of course. Where is that? Well, feet on the earth, air I breathe, heart that beats. I think I’ll start from there, see where it goes.