There She Goes

Birthdays usually make me nostalgic. They make me contemplative. They put me in the mood to evaluate where I’ve been and where I am and where I want to go.  They remind me that everybody is getting older and that time is passing and that life goes on even though we are all going to die eventually.

Well, I’m joking about the last part. Heheh. But somehow I feel it’s true.

Di sela-sela contemplating saya sehari sebelum ulang tahun saya kemarin, saya mendadak inget sama seorang teman dari jaman kuliah dulu yang ngga pernah tau kapan dia tepatnya dia ulang tahun. Yang dia tau cuma dia berasal suatu daerah dari Indonesia Timur. Paling timur malah. Dan bukan kota. Mungkin administrasi di sana belum terlalu bagus sehingga tidak pernah tercatat kapan dia lahir tepatnya. Jadi waktu dia butuh bikin passport, dia harus bikin suatu tanggal yang dia pilih sendiri sebagai tanggal ulang tahun dia di dalam dokumen-dokumen yang dibutuhkan. Mengingat itu, membuat saya berpikir bagaimana tanggal-tanggal (yang kadang-kadang) buatan kita sendiri itu bisa dan seberapa banyak kita “mengizinkan” tanggal-tanggal tersebut mengatur hidup kita, sejak dari awal.

Coba kita bikin list, agak susah kayaknya untuk tidak melekatkan makna pada beberapa tanggal seperti malam tahun baru dan hari ibu. Dan daftar tanggal penting itu akan terus bertambah: tanggal lulus kuliah, tanggal nikah, tanggal divorce, tanggal kelahiran anak, tanggal masuk sekolah, dan sebagainya dan sebagainya. We even vaguely anticipate how long we’ll live by examining the life expectancy statistics of men and women in our country. Haha.

All of these dates contribute to a feeling that we’re almost entitled to something, to the idea that life will work out just so, in an organized manner and time-frame.

Well, ngga kayak tahun-tahun sebelumnya, sebenernya lagi ngga pengen nulis apa-apa soalnya ulang tahun tahun ini Cuma tadi tertohok dengan pertanyaan seorang teman yang tiba-tiba melontarkan pertanyaan retorikal ngga mutu: “you really don’t like being social, do you?”. Saya mendadak terdiam, lalu cengengesan dan menjawab “you know me so well!”

I realized along this time, I have been pretending to be a socialite because it was the only way I thought I would be accepted. Call me stupid. Well, I am.

But I’ve finally made the decision that I no longer care if I am accepted. Beberapa bulan terakhir, kalo pada nyadar sih, I dismiss almost all the invitation to “this and that” just because I don’t really feel comfortable to come. I just enjoy having a good time with a few good friend. Other than that, I am prefer to be laying under a tree reading a book in the forest or in an empty field, or just laying in the sunshine napping while the rays warm my skin, listening to the quiet sounds of nature around me at night while laying under a vast sky of white twinkling stars. Dan saya ngga butuh tanggal-tanggal buatan khusus whatsoever untuk itu. Ehe.

Thank You!


No matter how old we get, we’ll always need support of our friends. So, this post is dedicated to you, my dear friends. Thank you once again, for being with me on my birthday.

Thank you for all birthday wishes. Love you all to the moon and back!


Vio candle

This young boy turn to 6 years old today. He’s going to leave the kindergarten soon!

I don’t know if you will be a vet, a professional F1 racer as you dream of or the next president. But I know that you are one of the rock and roll boy in the world!

Now, I feel old. Really old. Haha.

Happy birthday, Big Boy!

A Year Older, Again..

shooting star

Days before my birthday, a few close friends and family usually would ask me what I wanted for my birthday. Lip service stuff. Hahahahaha..

Actually, I don’t do birthday. Even any birthday party or any special gift that I could recall. It doesn’t mean I am not having a birthday fun. I have done a lot of stuff for my birthday up until now. From a kid-teenager party when I was 12, a real party when I was 17, a surprised party when I was 25 that held by ex-boyfriend, to a crazy party with some girlfriends. From a casual fun dinner, a fancy dinner to a romantic dinner by a pool full of floating burning candles. Yes, I’ve through those all already.

So then, when someone asks “what I want to do on my birthday” a few days ago, I was paused. Not because I do not know what I wanted to do on my birthday, but the question makes me thrown back into the past. The day when I was a teenager, love to read a lot of books (yes it still does anyway ..), and I have this cheesy scenes in mind about a happy birthday.

1. Scene one. I am sitting at the balcony, at one beach resort somewhere. Yes, somewhere. I don’t care which beach, but it should be a pretty one. Do a contemplating. Waiting for the shooting star. Make a wish right on 12 AM.

2. Scene two. I am sitting up on the hill. There was one of my favorite spot near Boscha. Yes, that Boscha at Bandung. The spot where we could see the clear sky, and if you are lucky, you could see the beautiful constellations. Well, I really wish I am that lucky on my birthday. Haha. The remains story is the same. I’m waiting for the shooting star, and make a wish right on 12 AM.

Yeah I know. I am that hopeless romantic. And cheesy. I couldn’t help it! :mrgreen:

Maybe that scenes wasn’t a happy birthday, it turns out I still keep the dreams about the (ideal) birthday somewhere in my head. And I’m happy I found that again.

So, what is a happy birthday in your version? :P